Its Complicated
by Caerulean
Summary: After the events in Tokyo, Raven is struggling to keep her emotions in check, not wanting to compromise the happiness of her two friends...even though she still has strong feelings for Robin. Love is complicated...TOO complicated...RobxRae. R&R Please
1. Chapter 1

**Ahh, another story...been working on this one for quite some time, I'm actually quite surprised I managed to finish the first chapter...and actually have some plans for future chapters...o_o That's new for me...**

**I became inspired after finding and watching several very good RobxRae vids on YouTube, but this is a plot that has always been lurking in the back of my mind. I've used the basic idea in a couple RPs, but I never got around to really developing it and writing it up as a fanfiction...until now that is. Seems I just needed a little extra inspiration during one of my witting moods... :P**

**Anyway, I just want to say a few quick things...**

**-I'm actually dyslexic, so I'm sure there are several spelling and grammatical errors throughout the story, even though I re-read it several times. Your more then welcome to point them out to me so I can change them, but all I ask is that you do it kindly.**

**-I am very open to constructive criticism. I understand I'm not a very good writer and always appreciate any advice. Feel free to criticize constructively ;) **

**-Don't freak out and flame the pairing. Just...don't. Yes, I know, its not cannon and blah blah...but honestly, I don't give a crap. Starfire is perfectly fine as a character, I don't mind her, I just personally think that Robin and Raven are a better couple for several reasons. And that's my personal opinion, please respect it.**

**Okay, now that thats out of the way...**

**DISCLAIMER: God...really? Do I have to? Fine...In no way, shape, or form do I own Teen Titans or any of its characters. Seriously, isn't it obvious what would happen if I did? Do you think Star and Robin would be to together and it woudlld have ended with just the movie? I don't think so -_-; jeez...theres a reason its called FANFICTION people...**

**...**

**Enjoy the story, and please review ^-^**

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Love.

_It's an emotion I'm not too familiar with….for obvious reasons. Growing up with a devil of a father….literally….and a mother who wasn't entirely sure what to think of me didn't exactly help there. And don't even get me started on the people of Azarath….they either hated me, feared me, or a combination of the two. _

In short, love to me was as real as those romantic fairy tales about knights in shining armor slaying dragons and rescuing maidens in distress for a long, long time….until I met my friends and became a Titan. That's when it all started….

_The first time I experienced any type of love was with Cyborg. Almost right away he sort of…adopted me as a younger sister. I think he felt sorry for me….the others let me be in the beginning, especially Beast Boy…who I'd freaked out with my powers when we'd first met. I was used to being distant from others, that's how it was back home, but Cyborg didn't think it was fair….so he made a conscious effort to include me, talk to me….treat me like a normal human being. I resisted, not used to and confused by the kindness….unsure what to think of it and how to react. I didn't want to do something wrong and end up thought of like Starfire….ditsy, air-headed, clueless, and in general not very intelligent….no way in hell was I going to get a reputation like that just because I didn't know how to react to standard human kindness. _

_Thankfully, Cyborg wasn't too discouraged by my coldness….after a little while he started giving me more space, letting me do my own thing, but he continued to be nice and considerate towards me. Slowly I became accustomed to it and we developed this sibling-like bond…..and after a little while I first began to feel that distinctive feeling of attachment and caring. But I was a bit confused about it and choose ignore it at the time….it wasn't unpleasant, and wasn't strong enough to effect my powers on a day-to-day basis. No need to fuss over it. _

So, Cyborg became my older brother…..

_After I'd initially creeped out Beast Boy with my powers, it took him a few months to warm up to me….but once he did….well…he made it his personal mission to make me laugh. I was the only Titan who didn't laugh, didn't smile….hell, I didn't even smirk. I'd had to keep every one of my emotions completely controlled and in check my entire life to stop from hurting anyone….so of course I showed absolutely zero amusement regardless of how funny something was….and at that point in time, happiness and amusement were emotions I wasn't too overly familiar with either. I'd felt them before from other people, thanks to my empathic abilities, but had never experienced either myself. Of course Beast Boy didn't get this….he couldn't have been expected to….and set out on his 'mission' to make me smile at one of his jokes. Of course he didn't come anywhere close to succeeding…..but he persisted. At first it confused me, but then it just became annoying. I'd put up with it for a while and then just one day snap at him. It wasn't anything big…usually I'd just destroy up whatever he was holding, or some unfortunate small object that happened to be sitting near me. The first few times it happened, afterward he would be hesitant to approach me for about a week…..and then I began feeling guilty. Guilt was an emotion I'd felt before….when I was little and couldn't yet reign in my emotions completely, sometimes I'd end up destroying something, or hurting someone when I got upset….then everyone would get mad at me and I'd feel guilty. I hadn't meant to hurt anyone…it was the last thing I ever wanted to do. _

_One time I ended up making a sad attempt at an apology to Beast Boy….from then on my occasional snaps didn't bother him and he continued on with his 'mission'. As time went by, I began to snap less and less….only when I was in a bad mood or troubled by something. I still found Beast Boy annoying, but there was another side to it…..I started to feel that same sort of attachment to him as well…..only a little different. Instead of feeling protected and cared for, like I did with Cyborg, I felt like I was the one protecting and watching out for Beast boy. By now I had a…somewhat better understanding of this feeling….I'd begun exploring this particular emotion more and actually figured out what it was. I still didn't fully understand it, but that was okay….for the time being, I didn't really have to._

So, Beast Boy became my annoying little brother….

_Now Starfire…..I'll admit that I didn't like her from the start. I guess most would find her 'ignorance and innocents' cute and/or feel sorry for her…..I didn't. I found her cluelessness and airheadedness to be irritating. By earth standards, she was perfect. Tall, nice figure, wore skimpy clothing, naive, happy-go-lucky, wanted to see everyone around her smiling and cheerful all the time…..prefect. Too perfect. It was annoying as hell. Everything ABOUT her was annoying. I'll admit I was a little jealous….Star had never had to experience all the negative and dark aspects of life...what I would give to erase even some of my experiences from existence. So, of course there was jealousy there…but I also just found her plain annoying too. I quickly adopted the practice of ignoring her. It was all well in good in the beginning, the others taught her how things worked here on earth and she didn't pay much mind to me…but the second she learned how most normal earth girls hung out, went shopping, and did all that stuff she began to poke and prod me. She started out not being afraid of me at all…big mistake. I already didn't like her, so unlike with Beast Boy, as soon as my patients wore thin with her I….well I blew up the kitchen….literally. No exaggeration there. We were forced to eat out exclusively for about a month._

_Luckily this was enough to somewhat discourage her….she'd still ask to do stuff with me, but as soon as there were any signs that I was getting ticked she'd usually back off…..so I tolerated her. But then came that whole body-exchange incident…._

_Now, I wouldn't say she was suddenly my best friend after that, but we did grow a bit closer. Obviously I had only told her enough about my past for her to understand how my powers worked…..she didn't need to know anything else….but she was the first Titan that got to hear anything about my past at all. I could tell she felt sorry for me, but luckily she didn't get too mushy….after everything was said and done she seemed to be a lot more understanding…she'd ask me to do things, but now with the true intention of getting to know me a little better, not just because she thought that's what all earth girls did and should do. I ended up giving in here and there. We didn't do much really, I'd watch her dress up in different outfits, listen to her talk, and let her do my hair and nails even sometimes….but she was careful not to get too overly enthusiastic because she knew that bothered me. I appreciated that. That was the first time I really started to enjoy life I think….my first real experience of fun. _

So, Star Fire became a good friend….I wouldn't quite go so far as to say a sister, but a good friend for sure.

_And then there was Robin….. this is where things get complicated. Now, I was able to figure out the other Titans rather easily….but Robin was different. He was extremely good at locking away within himself; I had a difficult time reading him, even with my empathic abilities…..there where, and still are, times when I would have had to put all my energy into concentrating on him if I wanted to figure out what he was feeling and thinking….and there was no way I could pull that off without him noticing what I was doing. He was very alert and in-toon with his surroundings...even I couldn't surprise him. He was also the only Titan who didn't try to get me to open up at first…..he treated me normally, just like the others, but never once did he even attempt to invade my personal bubble. He didn't try to start up meaningless conversations with me if we met in the kitchen, he didn't make stupid jokes in an attempt to get me to crack a smile…he was the only Titan who really understood me to the fullest, without hardly knowing anything about me…and that was because we were just alike. I could tell he'd seen the horrors of life….the pain and suffering of loneliness and loss. Most of the time he kept that all very well hidden, even beyond my detection, but sometimes at night I woke to an almost overwhelming sense of sorrow….eventually I was able to trace it back to his room. He was usually asleep….dreaming about the past, the horrible memories…..I didn't go into his mind, and I didn't say anything. He let me be, and I let him be….He didn't bother me when I was reading or meditating, I didn't bother him when he was watching TV or researching…he didn't prod about my past, I didn't prod about his….it was an unspoken mutual agreement between the two of us, an understanding. And that's what drew us closer….we understood one another better than any of the other Titans could ever imagine, even without hardly having to say anything, know anything about each other. I don't think either of us were aware of this connection for quite some time….it developed and strengthened right under our noses….and after almost two years together we were so used to it and each other that we never even gave it a second thought. But then there was the whole incident with Robin hallucinating Slade ….. _

_I'd had to enter his mind, travel through his memories, see his past…..and then leave a piece of my own soul within him. I immediately felt my connection with him grow far stronger ….it was like a fog had just lifted. Where before I had to concentrate to find out what he was feeling, I could identify every one of his current emotions clearly right away…...and I could hear his thoughts as well. Doubting this was just a one-way thing I did my best to shut this connection off as soon as everything was taken care of and back to normal….but there was only so much I could shut down. I was able to block off the exchange of thoughts alright, but not the emotions….for some reason, I couldn't put up a very good barrier between our emotions…._

_Of course he noticed this….(what DIDN'T he notice..?)...And he approached me about it a few days after the incident. I tried to shrug it off and give him as little information as possible, but he had none of that. He literally pushed past me….gently, of course, he would never have tried to hurt me…..and into my room, shut the door, sat on my bed with his arms crossed, and refusing to budge until I explained what was going on. It wasn't long before I gave in…Robin was incredibly stubborn, I knew he would literally sit there day and night until I gave him a satisfactory explanation. So, as frustrated as I was, I explained everything….how the connection worked, how it happened…everything. He was surprised and a little uncomfortable when he found out that I'd seen his entire past, that I knew everything about him….I began to feel guilty about it then and apologized, promising that I would never say a word…..even though I knew he knew already I wouldn't….but to my surprise…he smiled at me. I'll never forget what he said at that moment…._

"Don't worry about it Rae….Actually, I'd rather you know than anyone else on the team….don't get me wrong, I know they're pasts weren't all rainbows and sunshine, but they wouldn't be able to comprehend everything I've been through like you can…so it's okay."

_He then gave me another, slightly more awkward smile, patted my shoulder and moved out of the room…..leaving me completely dumbfounded. He had just acknowledged that the two of us were so close that he trusted me more than any other Titan….he _trusted_ me….no one had ever really said they'd trusted me before and to be honest I'd always questioned whether the others actually did….but there it was, right in front of me, impossible to ignore…Robin trusted me..._

_After that we grew even closer. He became more protective over me….In battle all I had to do was glance over and there he was, right at my side, ready to catch me if I fell. He did catch me on several occasions, and I caught him sometimes as well. _

_He started inviting me down to train and spar with him in the mornings….after a few times I finally accepted, knowing he'd just keep asking until I gave in...and I actually found it quite enjoyable and relaxing…not to mention I was able to fine-toon my hand-to-hand combat and within a couple months we were an even match._

_Our mental bond grew stronger as well….unsurprisingly he figured out how it all worked rather quickly….though somewhat surprisingly he didn't attempt to shut off much. The barrier between our thoughts was kept up to an extent of course for privacy, but he figured out that we could speak mentally….so that's where most of our conversations were held. I had to admit, the looks we'd get from the others when we made the occasional seemingly random(to them at least)face during a mental conversation was quite amusing….if only they knew…_

_But he let his emotions flow freely between the connection, only holding back enough so that I wasn't overwhelmed. At first I thought it was simply because of the trusting bond we'd formed…..but now I realize he also did it to help me. Slowly I gained a better understanding of emotions in general and learned to express my own a little more without having my powers go haywire. He'd been able to teach me what the old and wise monks of Azarath hadn't been able to…how to feel without hurting others. For just that, I'm eternally grateful towards him….don't even get me started on everything else…_

_We fought and worked together in complete harmony. Sure, we worked with the rest of the Titans well enough, but just the two of us…there was no comparison. We were a formidable team on the battle field, and co-existed in the same house amazingly well. The others got on our nerves occasionally, but we never got on one another's…..and that was a big thing for me. I had never particularly enjoyed company….yet, I found myself seeking him out, craving to be with him even, very greatly enjoying and treasuring every moment I spent alone with him….outwardly showing more emotion during those moments…._feeling_ more emotion around him…and one particular emotion stronger than the others…_

And so Robin became my first love interest

_Obviously it was quite some time before I recognized and figure out this particular feeling. I believe it was sometime right before my sixteenth birth-_

"Oi, Rae, you ready to go yet?"

The empath nearly jumped at the sudden interruption, quickly shutting the little black notebook she'd been writing in and instinctively pulling it under her cloak…..though she knew _he_ knew better then to enter _her _room without her permission….even if they were in a hotel.

"_Don't _call me Rae, Beast Boy." She snapped almost instantly, a bit more of an edge to her tone than normal. Realizing this, she took a deep breath. "…I'll be out in a minute." She added in her usual monotone.

"….Okay." she heard the changelings nervous response, then listened to him walk away, letting out a sigh only when she could no longer hear his footsteps. She then moved over to the bag sitting on her bed and looked down at the closed notebook.

The Titans were just ending their week-long vacation in Tokyo. Granted it wasn't some big two or three week cushy-living-sit-on-your-ass-and-relax type of getaway….but it was okay. Even though he denied it to the moon and back, Robin had a much more difficult time letting go and just taking a breather from crime fighting then he said he did. Raven had to give him some credit though, at least he'd tried, and even made it a whole week before he finally gave in and ordering everyone to pack up.

Raven wasn't sure to be relived or not. Going home back to her own, cozy room and many unfinished novels she was certainly not going to complain about. Getting back in the game and fighting off crime would be a welcome distraction as well, something else to keep her mind busy…but, Robin and Starfire would still be together.

This entire trip had been_ hell_ for her. First Robin went into his usual obsessive mode and stalked this villain all the way to Tokyo, dragging everyone else with him of course, then they rampaged through the ENTIRE city trying to figure it all out, and FINALLY once everything was all said and done, Raven wiped the ink off her face just in time to catch her best friend lip-locked with her long time crush.

Luckily, due to the fact that she was too shocked to process it all at the time, she was able to copy the others, feigning happiness for the couple. It wasn't until later when she was alone in her hotel room that it really sunk in what had happened. Robin and Starfire…..the boy she was in love with and the one girl she trusted the most….were together….an official couple….boyfriend and girlfriend.

_Robin had feelings for Starfire, not her._

She should have been angry, but she was only hurt. She should have hated them both, but she couldn't bring herself to even envision hating either of them. No matter how painful it was for her…they were her friends, and they had a right to feel the way they did about each other. She was jealous to an extent, yes, but she was above letting such a petty emotion get to her. Her friends happiness….Robins happiness especially….was for more important than her own feelings. And if being with Starfire made him happy, then that's where she wanted him to be.

_Even if it was so painful she felt like she was going to drop dead any second._

Can you really die from a shattered heart? Heh, how many times had that crossed her mind the past week as she struggled to keep all her now rampaging emotions in check. There were a few slip ups here and there….she broke two lamps, several tea cups….and after the refrigerator door flew across the kitchen she pretty much isolated herself for the last couple days in an intense meditation to try and get everything back under control, even taking the time to put up an almost complete mental block between her and Robin. She could sense he wasn't pleased about this, but he let her be….and she supposed it was partly because Starfire was keeping him plenty busy, dragging him around to all the major sights and attractions of Tokyo.

Funny, isn't it, though? How one incident can completely shatter _years_ of well practiced control….How thirty seconds could destroy what she'd worked so hard to achieve….even after two whole days of intense mediation she hadn't regained full control….and she wasn't sure if she ever would be able to again.

Now she truly understood how love could be so unbelievably painful….she'd never experienced a pain more severe then heartbreak….and Raven experienced a lot of pain before, both physical AND emotional….

Sighing once again she tucked the notebook under her cloths and zipped up the bag, tossing it over her shoulder before moving slowly towards the door, knowing she had to get going before they sent Beast Boy to check on her again. She paused only briefly to pull the hood of her cloak up to hide her face before exiting and moving down the hall where the other four Titans waited for her. She felt so uncomfortable…..when everyone looked at her as she came up she almost phased through the floor, but managed to hold it together. Just barely.

Luckily for her Robin was eager to get going and almost instantly had the group moving down to where the T-ship was currently parked outside the Hotel so she didn't have to deal with lingering eyes of concern from her team mates. Thankful for his impatiens, Raven followed, hanging a few steps behind the others, eyes averted to the ground before her so she didn't have to see the happy couple up front holding hands. She was pretty confident that she had enough control to handle THAT….but she wasn't about to take any chances.

She could feel Robins concern for her leaking through the mental barrier (after all, this was a two-way thing….he could actually break the barrier if he wanted, but he knew better then to) though she did her best to ignore it. Him worrying for her just made it all the more painful…for some reason…

_Dammit….why did love have to be so complicated….?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Yup Yup, FINALLY got around to finishing chapter two! I hope you guys like it...I hate the way it turned out personally, but I'm too damn lazy to re-write it ;P.**

**Not a lot happens in this chapter...a little reflecting on the past, some foreshadowing...but I felt I ended it at the right moment. Chapter three will be much more interesting probably...I have plans for it, but I won't give it away and spoil it all for ya ;3 Hehe.**

**Anyway...yeah xD Read it, love it, tell your friends about it, leave a review. Or...read it, hate it, complain to your friends about it, leave a flame. ;P All up to you xD**

**Either way, R&R plz, kthxbai ;D LOL**

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Raven really had to appreciate the design of the T-ship. Each Titan had their own separate compartment…..meaning she had her own space….meaning almost total privacy. She had chosen to turn off her intercom as well, though that decision was mostly prompted by Beast Boys constant yammering. Usually she could take it, and if she had a book she could completely tune him out, but at the moment she wasn't in the mood to hear about what had occurred in the green boy's odd and twisted dream last night(right before she shut off the intercom she heard something about giant tomatoes teaming up with giant potatoes and hairless cats to take over the world….)and she had no book to distract her.

Unfortunately, Raven was prone to motion sickness….she couldn't eat before a trip that lasted over two hours, and heaven forbid she try reading while on the road at all. Meditation was out of the question as well….she had to be able to see to the outside at all times. Being in the T-ship so long was going of make her sick enough in the end anyway, no need to make it worse and try to read JUST to ignore Beast Boy. Besides, if there was any sort of trouble(which was highly unlikely…), she'd sense it….there was no need to keep the intercom on.

The first couple hours she spent in a comfortable silence, watching the wing on her side of the T-ship slice through the puffy clouds as if they didn't even exist, occupying her mind by picking out shapes in cottony fluff suspended in the sky. When that grew old, she dug out her headphones and iPod. Luckily they lived in the modern world where there were books on audio….it wasn't the same as reading, and she had to be careful for some of the readers' voices got on her nerves, but it was rather useful on road trips.

After finishing a book, she began to sift through her music collection. Selecting a song she felt like listening to, she tilted her head back to look upwards at the sky and clouds above(once again, she had to appreciate the T-ships design….being able to see all around made her feel much less claustrophobic and helped with the motion sickness). She was just starting to lull off into her own little world when suddenly there was an oddly familiar tug on her conscious….

'_Dammit…._please_ not now Robin….'_ Raven inwardly pleaded, shutting her eyes tight as she forced all her concentration onto keeping up the mental barrier that she'd created between them. She couldn't handle talking to him, not yet, and _especially_ not now…she knew he wanted to know what had been going on, and in most circumstances this would be the appropriate time and place to do so, but if she were to lose control and break something on the ship, she could put everyone in serious danger….

Eventually Robin gave up, though she could feel his worry slight frustration right before he withdrew again. Raven let out shaky breath, wrapping her arms around herself. It was difficult and energy-consuming maintaining this barrier and even more so to keep it up when Robin tried to get in and talk with her. She was lucky he was respectful of her boundaries and didn't try to force through the barrier (which he could if he really wanted to…).

Tired and shaken up a bit, Raven took a few deep breaths as she opened her eyes slowly again, once more flipping through her music and choosing another song, trying to calm herself. Damn….she'd been doing so well…

'_And here comes the nausea…'_ she mentally groaned, reaching up to rub her temples. Ugh, and they were still several hours from home…

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For Raven, the last hours of the journey home passed by agonizingly slow. Exhausted, unable to meditate, and pledged by motion sickness, she struggled to keep it together…only able to succeed because the incident hadn't been too distressing…but, it was only so long she could keep this up….she needed to meditate….

So she was unbelievably relived to see the large T-shaped tower appear on the horizon….the thoughts of _finally_ being back in the comfort of her room, surrounded by her small library of novels, and sleeping on the super soft cotton sheets of her own bed were incredibly enticing…..The familiarity of it all would greatly help her calm down.

Almost the second the ship was docked and turned off, Raven grabbed the black duffle bag resting at her feet and phased out of the T-ship, into the tower, and then to her room…but quickly discovered what a horrible mistake she'd made. The moment she was on solid ground, standing next to her bed, the room began to sway and blur. She lost her balance, dropping her bag, stumbled, and then fell on the carpet next to her bag. Groaning in irritation and slight pain, she shut her eyes and curled into a tight ball.

'_Note to self….make sure your okay to stand BEFORE phasing somewhere….'_ She thought, cursing herself for not thinking of this earlier.

'_Okay….now…take it easy and slowly sit up, you need to mediate….come on…'_ she told herself after a moment….yet was finding that to be easier thought then done. Her body _screamed_ in protest as she tried to will herself up, still stiff from sitting for so many hours and _still_ quite nauseous. Eventually she finally gave in, to drained to fight her bodies' desire for rest any longer, and slowly….she drifted off…..into a deep, but restless sleep…

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_I opened my eyes…or, at least, I thought I did. I had to blink several times before I realized that my eyes were, indeed, open for there was no difference in what I was seeing be they closed or not…..everything was dark, black….._

_Nothingness._

_I brought my hand up, expecting of course to not be able to see it…but to my surprise, there it was, as visible as if I were in broad daylight. I then looked down at my body. Same story. Okay, I could see myself just fine, and it looked like I was standing on something, but yet there was nothing there. I looked around again….but there was only darkness. Oddly enough fear did not slowly consume me as the seconds ticked by, like one might think I this situation….but instead , I felt confuse…and a bit curious even. Frowning in a thoughtful manor, I took a hesitant step forward…._

_There was a sudden flash of white. I immediately shut my eyes and raised the side of my cloak up to shield myself. After a moment or so, when it seemed the bright light was gone, I peeked out cautiously….and then allowed the cloak to fall back around me. I was in one of the hallways in the tower, the one that led to my room. Standing on my left was Robin….and to my right, back turned to him, was me. I couldn't see my face, but Robins expression was full of concern and he was saying something and taking a step towards the me…well, the other me. However there was no sound…It was like a movie someone had put on mute…..and was that cake in his hair..? _

_My eyes widened a fraction as it dawned on me….this was two years ago on my sixteenth birthday, right after the attempted surprise party. I'd fled towards my room after losing my temper and blowing up the decorations and cake the other Titans had prepared for me….and Robin had come after me, wanting to know what was wrong. It was a moment I could never forget….there was so much concern radiating off of him at that moment…..concern for me….and only me….I loved pulling up this memory, just to feel that….to feel wanted, cared for…._

_But I also hated myself in this memory, hated how I reacted, how I pushed him away….at the time his concern and attachment to me scared me a little. I was afraid my emotions would get the better of me, and I'd hurt him…..and with my father threatening to rise, I also feared he might be harmed by other means if I were to favor him too much…._

_That was my greatest regret, my greatest 'what if…?'. If I hadn't shut myself off, kept my distance…how would things have been different…?_

_I usually didn't dwell upon the past too much…it went agents what the monks of Azarath had taught me as a child…but this memory constantly haunted me, refusing to leave, and popping up when I least expected it, accompanied by an array of emotions that I had to carefully reign in and repress. If I let my thoughts get too carried away with this memory, I usually had to stop and go meditate. _

_And now, more than ever, this memory was bringing forth a strong wave of emotion. _

'_Would he have gone with Starfire if I hadn't pushed him away back then…?'_

_My own thought echoed around me in a whisper-like tone. I bit my lip, I turned from the scene, planning to run away from it….but the second a took a step forward there was another blinding flash of light, which caused me to stop short and shield my eyes again. Peeking out this time….I was greeted with a different scene. _

_It was Robin and I in the kitchen. I was stirring something in a large glass bowl, a bit of flower on my cheek, and Robin was speaking as he went to fetch something from the pantry, an amused expression clearly visible on his features._

_This was shortly after the defeat of my father….Robin had taken be aside and decided to teach me to cook. Just a couple of hours of Robin attempting to teach me the ropes of making proper pancakes. In the end I'd mastered the art of course…and to this day it was one of the few things I could manage to make, the others being stuff that didn't require the use of any sort of kitchen appliance. I didn't think of this memory too often….though it was a fond one._

_But right now, it was only bringing up painful feelings. _

'_Would I ever get to have a moment like this with Robin again?'_

_Again my thoughts echoed and I turned, preparing once more to run….but, yet again, stopped by a blinding flash of white._

_Finally I once again found myself consumed by darkness. I fell to my hands and knees, panting, heart racing, my cheeks stained with tears. The past…goodness knows how long I had spend going through memory…after memory…after memory. Every even slightly happy memory I'd ever had that involved Robin I witnessed from a third-person perspective, the only sound coming for my echoing thoughts as I realized and pondered. I don't remember when I started crying….but tears were still sliding down my cheeks. It was so painful….seeing all those wonderful memories, those moments I took from granted….seeing everything that I could have done better, realizing that maybe, just maybe, if I had said or done something even just slightly different…._

_I would be with Robin instead of Starfire._

_I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and sit here in this room of endless black for the rest of eternity. The pain….it was worse than any physical beating I'd ever taken. It was like my ribs were collapsing inward, constricting my chest. My heartbeat was rapid and desperate, every breath stung. My arms shook and threatened to give way as I struggled to breath. I shut my eyes tightly, preparing to hit the ground…and maybe never rise again….but then, I sensed the presence of another. It was a familiar presence…but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. Someone I'd met only briefly before, just a few times perhaps….someone I knew, yet didn't really know. Slowly, I opened my eyes….and was met with a pair of old, tattered, dirty sneakers. I blinked._

"_Raven…."_

_The voice was deep, strong, and velvety….that of a young man, perhaps a year or two older than me. Like his presence, his voice was familiar….yet not. I still couldn't pin down who he was. But…somehow the voice and presence were soothing, not at all alarming. My rapid heartbeat had slowed and breathing had become easier. I frowned, then allowed my eyes to slowly pan upwards….and my breath hitched._

_He was indeed a young man warring black baggy jeans, a dark t-shirt, and those tattered tennis I'd first noticed. He appeared to me rather muscular, a bit more stockily-built and broad-shouldered then Robin, also a couple inches taller at least. His hair was also similar to Robins in that it was jet black and rather messy…but it was a bit longer, and less…'groomed', for lack of better word. His face was strong, angled, and handsome….but his eyes caught my attention the most. They were a beautiful smoky green….and when he looked at me…it was like he was looking at me, my soul, my very being….like he knew all the pain and suffering I'd faced…like he really understood. Upon closer inspection, I noted that he had several scars on his arms, neck, and even a couple on his face. Over all, he looked a bit rough actually….like he'd been through a lot, seen the darker side of life…_

…_.Like me._

_It took me several moments to realize he was holding his hand out to help me up. I felt a bit of heat rise to my cheeks at the realization, then slowly took his hand, slowing him to help me to my feet. He smirked at me, my cheeks felt warmer._

"_Do not give up hope just yet, little bird." He spoke again, reaching forward and tucking my hair behind my right ear, wiping the tear stain from my right cheek with his thumb…..but then, his image began to fade. _

"_W-wait…!" I said, starting to panic. I didn't want him to go…him being there was so…comforting. I reached out for him, though suddenly felt myself falling backwards. I cried out, frightened as the young man left my site entirely and I fell into endless darkness…._

**x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x**

Raven sat bolt upright, sweaty, shaking, and eyes wide. Frantically, she looked around. She was in her room, on the floor, her comforter tangled around her. It took her a few moments, but eventually she was able to calm down. Taking a few deep, yet shaky, breaths she untangled herself from the comforter and stood up, looking out the window.

'_Night already….how long was I asleep?' _she thought, peering over at the clock on her nightstand.

'_1:34…..okay, a long time…'_

Sighing once more, she leaned over and flicked on the lamp beside her bed before heading to the closet. Might as well change into something comfortable, go get a cup of tea, and read for a bit….

….Though the face of the young man lingered in her mind. Who was he? And what did that dream mean….?


	3. ATHURS NOTE

**Sooooooooo...yeah. .;**

**I guess these sorts of things are a little annoying...but I thought I owed all the wonderful people who have subbed, favorited, and reviewed this old story of mine a bit of an...explanation...**

**SO ATHURS NOTE AWAY.**

**A _lot_ has changed in the past couple of years since I started this story...my computer has crashed a few times, meaning I've lost most of what I don't have online, I got out of school, got a job...and then moved across the country 2000+ miles! Yay! [/sarcasm]**

**Ahem.**

**Basically; Life happened. I've also been dealing with some writers block issues...so...yeah.**

**Thats why theres no update.**

**BUT, onto the part NONE of you are going to like, I'm sure...**

**Until further notice, this story is officially on Hiatus...the idea is still there, and there is TONS I would actually love to go back and change about it now, but I just don't have the muse for this plot anymore. I'm going to try and really get back into Fanfiction writing, because I really want to write more as I've been lazy about it for too long, but there are tons of other pairings/fandoms/story ideas I really want to get down...so I'm kind of...revamping my account a little. I'm not sure if I'll clean it out completely or not, but I'm considering it...just starting from scratch you know?**

**I'm reluctant to take this story down because of the small little following I'd gained from it, but at the same time I really want to because it doesn't really...fit with the sorts of stories I'll be working on from now on. Plus, it needs some serious work...:/ Sigh.**

**Anyway, I thought I'd warn the fans of this fic before I just take it down completely...I thought it only fair ;P BUT thats not to say I'll NEVER post it again...one of these days I'll go back, revamp the crap out of this thing, and post it back up...but for now, it'll probably come down in a few days.**

**So, enough of my stupid rambling...I'd really like to thank all of you who read, reviewed, subbed to, and/or favorited this story. Every single email notification of any of the above really meant a lot to me as the crazy self-conscious writer that I am xD;. I really appreciate you guys...and I hope maybe some of you will enjoy my future works. **

**Thank you ^-^**


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